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I love to keep in shape and do lots of outdoor activities. Without either, any marriage is doomed before it has even begun, no matter how hard the couple perseveres. Roughly five to 10 per cent of any population is not attracted to the opposite sex, but rather the same sex. In the Jewish community this is often conveniently swept under the carpet and ignored, if it is ever even acknowledged.
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What is lacking in these marriages is honesty and integrity, and the reason why is because of intolerant attitudes in the community that make it a taboo to be in a relationship with a person of the same sex. The net result is false, hollow heterosexual relationships. In this atmosphere of intolerance, same-sex attracted people will always be second-class and the marriages they find themselves in will inevitably be unhappy. We might then find that the percentage of happy marriages actually increases.
In an age of instant gratification, we are failing to teach our children the skills of perseverance, especially when it comes to sustaining a marriage. GOOD news! But before we become too complacent and begin to believe that we live in the land of matrimonial harmony, we must note that even this record low constituted no less than 47, divorces, compared to only , nuptials. Four in 10 marriages are still estimated to end in divorce. So although the short-term trend is encouraging, the longer-term changes over decades show a significant decline in the number of marriages both commencing and enduring.
Every divorce is a personal tragedy. Often no-one is to blame, although many have to suffer. But as parents and educators, we must ask if we are preparing our children well for what will be the most important and consequential task of their adult lives — creating a loving and lasting marriage, for their own sake and that of their own children. In some crucial respects, we are not succeeding. We are failing to teach our children to compromise or to persevere.
In striving to give our children self-esteem — a vital and difficult challenge in the world of competitive and sometimes cruel teenagers — we too often confuse self-worth with self-importance. We put our children on a pedestal and tell each of them they are the most important person in their world.
Bar and bat mitzvah parties turn into coronations of princes and princesses, with no indication that the youngster has any more to achieve in order to reach perfection. Yet marriage requires precisely the opposite approach.
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Suddenly each partner in a couple has to realise that they are, at best, the second most important person in the world. They have to learn to share, to compromise and to yield. If a marriage hits a bumpy moment, as it often does, are future partners prepared?
If a child has problems at school, the solution is to try a new one. The same applies to challenges. In an era of instant gratification, if a problem cannot be solved quickly, it cannot be solved at all. But marriage requires a mindset that is diametrically opposed to this cult of the new.
We have to find opportunities to teach our children that often it is the old things that are worth preserving and that persevering with a problem may, in time, bring a solution. Our children are not helped by the messages about relationships they receive from the media.
The most popular movie genre, the romantic comedy, follows the same formula as the fairytale that was its cultural antecedent: boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl again — and they live happily ever after. Dramas, on the other hand, usually start with a couple in a relationship and chronicle its dissolution. So the real and best story, of a couple working on their marriage and making it last, is rarely told.
One message that young people learn from their peers — that may or may not be endorsed by their parents — is the devaluing of sexual intimacy. In the past, society understood that sex was reserved for marriage and, even though this convention was often ignored, the expectation itself showed how physical relations can serve as a unique bond between couples permanently committed to each other for the long term.
Now such a view seems quaint or even so antediluvian as to be laughable. The decline of marriage matters. It is not only human beings — parents and children — who suffer when a family is shattered, but society as a whole. Nature whether the designer is God or Richard Dawkins has arranged for the children of human beings to live with their parents for longer than the young of any other species, so that they can learn values and skills with which to prosper and build the next generation.
The family is the building block of society itself. A stable family does not guarantee stable children and many single or separated parents raise happy and confident young people. But to help our own children with the challenge of building their home and hence creating their own world, we must show them that the greatest happiness may take much time to achieve, but can last forever.
His column appears monthly. Chris Meney quotes in an opinion piece published in The Age from a United States Government report see email below , that makes the claim:. Compared to children living with married biological parents, those whose single parent had a live-in partner had more than eight times the rate of maltreatment overall, over 10 times the rate of abuse, and nearly eight times the rate of neglect.
I live with my partner and his two teenage children. They are not being abused, maltreated or neglected. I see them receiving a whole lot of love, care, respect and a fairly decent deal overall. I would say they are two fairly well-adjusted teenage children who have a father in a stable and happy relationship. They also spend quality time with their mother, as time and circumstances permit.
They have unlimited access to both parents and get what they need from both of them as much as possible. My partner and I met in November Meeting Gregory changed my life in the most wonderful way. I had been in a very lonely and dark place for some months and his presence uplifted me and brought me back to a stable and happy place. I may even have succumbed to my suicidal thoughts if I had remained single for much longer back then.
We even registered our relationship with the Victorian Government on April 21 this year. We did this for legal reasons as by default our relationship would only be recognised under law after two years. I had never been in a relationship with a parent before. It was uncharted territory for me. Yet it seemed very straightforward. I have adapted to having a partner who has had to juggle his time between me and his children, and it works well.
Complicating the picture is that his ex-wife is not well and is no longer able to work. He supports his children and the support sometimes has to stretch to supporting his ex-wife as well, so she can look after their children when they are with her. This puts strains on the finances. Despite that Gregory somehow makes ends meet, and makes sure his children are looked after.
He goes to pains to make sure they are not neglected. Chris Meney has extrapolated American research to an Australian situation. The two societies are not the same.
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His assertions about Australian society are unfounded as the research he ab uses is not relevant here. There may be parents in Australia who neglect or abuse their children, but it is not because they are unmarried or living in the types of relationships that he does not approve of.
I know of children who have been abused by one or both of their married parents while living in the family home and have sustained long-term psychological damage from it. Heterosexual married parents may offer a stable environment for children but so do homosexual parents and single parents. I can guarantee no child born into a same-sex relationship ever happened by accident. The same cannot be said of all too many children of heterosexual couples, married or otherwise.
Further, I am yet to hear of a pregnant woman in a same-sex relationship who has had an abortion, despite the increasing numbers of women in same-sex relationships giving birth. The Catholic Church, together with its ideology, is pure evil. Chris Meney is no better for being its mouthpiece. Children living with the non-biological partner of a parent were 8 times more likely to be maltreated than children living with two married biological parents page