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Bom came out at 16, while in high school, and experienced bullying, but found acceptance in his group of friends.

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He did not initially come out as asexual, but it was the label he now most closely identified with. His advice to anyone who was in the closet about their homosexuality was to come out at their own pace and to ignore pressure to speed up their journey. They should take as long as they like. Everyone's story is different. When he first grappled with his sexuality, he would try to push it to the forefront of who he was until he placed more emphasis on who he was as a person.

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He would choose not to be gay if it was possible, but his orientation was not a choice, he said. He is one of two gay brothers, and his mother and father were supportive, but his father was relentlessly harassed at his workplace for having gay sons, he said. I know it's not that bad, but I just thought it would be. At 48, and heterosexual, she said she could remember how homosexuals were treated before the law changed allowed them to come out and be open.

You can change the law, but you can't change peoples' attitudes.

She said what worked well for the LGBTQI community in recent years was high profile people in the media coming out and expressing who they were openly, but she still hoped that in the future acceptance would happen for Otago's regional LGBTQI population and they did not owe anyone a coming-out moment. The debate and arguments against the Bill were just so bigoted and aggressive compared to what the recent Marriage Equality Bill came up against. We are the South's eyes and ears in crucial council meetings, at court hearings, on the sidelines of sporting events and on the frontline of breaking news.

As our region faces uncharted waters in the wake of a global pandemic, Otago Daily Times continues to bring you local stories that matter. We employ local journalists and photographers to tell your stories, as other outlets cut local coverage in favour of stories told out of Auckland, Wellington and Christchurch. Skip to main content.

Nobody lives in New Zealand for a vibrant and thriving gay scene like you'd find in Sydney or San Francisco. Yet in pockets of both our largest city and the capital, there is a gay old time to be had. Having lived in both Auckland and Wellington in the last few years, I'm often asked which city is more conducive to the most open, supportive, and fun gay life. The capital is a liberal bubble of public servants and university students. It's unlike most cities with cross-sections of people from all ends of the political spectrum — in Wellington, social conservatism, homophobia, and other kinds of bigotry don't really fly.

This isn't to say that Auckland is an alt-right haven of anti-gay sentiment, but there are parts of the city where I'd fear somewhat for my safety I count verbal abuse and even judgmental looks as harmful; not all homophobic aggression has to be physical if I were to hold hands with another man. With the exception of a select couple of central city suburbs, I don't feel terribly confident being an openly gay person in Auckland.

However in Wellington — no matter the suburb — I feel completely confident holding hands with my husband, day or night, everywhere I go. It seems like a small thing in terms of quality of life for straight people, but for us, it's one of the cornerstones of how accepted we feel by society. If you're single in Wellington, though, you'll have a tougher time than in Auckland.

It's purely because of numbers: the gay community in the capital is mostly made up of university students under the age of 22, or those who have been coupled-up for almost a decade.

There are certainly very few single young professional types on the gay scene. Didn't receive the code? Don't have your phone?

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